Sign Affirmations

• Aries I am
• Taurus I possess
• Gemini I think
• Cancer I feel
• Leo I shine
• Virgo I critique
• Libra I make choices
• Scorpio I desire
• Sagittarius I aspire
• Capricorn I build
• Aquarius I know
• Pisces I care

A New Age Q & A

Q: How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a heck of a lot of light bulbs.

Q: How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What, me move?

Q: How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 2

Q: How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he has to bring his mother.

Q: How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.

Q: How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.

Q: How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.

Q: How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They LIKE the dark.

Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.

Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light's fine as it is.

Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: What light bulb?

Q: How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!

Q: How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.

Q: How many years does it take for a New Ager to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.

Q: How many Boulderites (as in Boulder, CO, a haven of New Agers) does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.

Sources

1. "Sign Affirmations" was collected online from multiple sources, the originator is unknown.
2. "A New Age Q & A" was obtained from www.bewitchingways.com/humor/lightbulb.htm. The original authors were anonymous or unknown.