by Ada M. Palles

Networking, the opportunity to make both business and social contacts, was a concept Jerry Rubin pioneered in the 1980's. Even though the word "networking" now seems like an old cliché left behind in the 80's like we did the word "yuppie," or "groovy" in the 70's, the concept is still just as valid and just important today.

When the book, "How to Work a Room - A Guide to Successfully Managing the Mingling" came out, it was touted as the book for the 90's. This was the natural progression of networking. It wasn't enough to network, we have to develop the skills necessary to make the connections meaningful, to carry on productive conversations, to obtain the information we need from others to communicate what we intend, to promote ourselves and our company without bragging, to meet the right people, and to tactfully disengage ourselves from fruitless discussions.

Enter the new millennium and the face of networking continues to evolve.  We've gone global and web-based with network communities like LinkedIn, Ecademy, Xing and MySpace, online discussion forums such as Ask the Headhunter, Ask Liz Ryan, and don't forget the explosion of blogging! 

With so much online networking, we can sometimes forget the importance of traditional, face-to-face networking, yet it is still the single most important way to build solid relationships. Networking takes on a totally new dimension as more and more information becomes publically available. With our profiles scattered across the web, we know a lot about each other even before we meet.  Understanding how to navigate these new dimensions is where Liz Ryan's book, Happy About Online Networking: The virtual-ly simple way to build professional relationships, can be very helpful. 

Networking is not just a buzzword from the past.  When the economy takes a downturn, and competition for jobs toughens, who you know becomes more important than ever. Sometimes it is that sincere behind the scenes recommendation that pulls your resume to the top of an applicant pile.  It gives you that foot-in-the-door, that familiar face, just when opportunities seem slimmer than ever.   

"Never refuse any advance of friendship, for if nine out of ten bring you nothing, one alone may repay you." - Madame de Tencin

Face-to-face networking is still probably the most challenging and most daunting to most people, and is an area that I have had to personally work on. I find almost any other kind of communication, such as emails, business-related dialogues or teaching a class, much easier than carrying on one-on-one conversations. Over the years, however, I have improved with a few "techniques" that have made it easier for me.

The veteran interviewer Larry King says that the "key is to ask engaging questions, pay attention to what the other person is saying and respond to what is being said to keep the conversation going."

Easy to say, but how do you do it? Here are some tips for talking to anyone, anytime, anywhere that have worked for me:

Break the Ice

When we started our bakery, I was in charge of the sales side of the house, and my sister was in charge of the production end. That was my own personal penance for being a shy, nonsocial introvert. Suddenly, not only did I have constant daily face-to-face customer contact, but I also had to train our sales clerks how to speak with and treat our customers. During those years I received intense training myself on the art of "chatting."

Though I found myself keeping score on how many times a day I discussed the weather, it taught me not to underestimate the power of the trite comment: "Isn't this great weather we've been having?"

You can't go wrong with universal topics, such as the weather, movies, sports, pets and children, that almost everyone can relate to. These subjects do the one thing you need to start a conversation with anyone: they break the ice!

Expand and Lead

Once you've broken the ice, the next step is to expand upon your opening line. "This is the nicest winter we've had in years!" This kind of statement not only picks up where you left off, but leads the other person to answer, thereby keeping the conversation going.

Take the lead again by selecting something else from their answer to expand upon. For example, if they come back with, "No, it's like winter in South Carolina," that just gave you an opening into which to digress. Now you can ask if they're from South Carolina originally, or have a fascinating discussion about the effect of weather on one's quality of life, or the way weather influences lifestyle, or why different people prefer different parts of the country.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Okay, you've heard this one before, but what exactly is an open-ended question? Simply, it is a question that can't be answered with a yes or no. "Why?" is an open-ended question. "What do you think?" "What if ... ?" "How do you ..." These kind of questions prompt discussion, and the responses you receive will give you more material for further conversation.

Offer an Opinion

"I prefer spending winter in Florida when I can manage it." This allows the other person to take a break from having to answer all your questions and being the focus of the conversation. While it's true that most people love to talk about themselves, breaking it up by offering your own opinion helps take the pressure off if they're uncomfortable speaking to a new person. It also allows them to get to know you, your likes and dislikes, which provides the opportunity to establish some common ground. When networking, this also allows you the opportunity to try to deliver one important or interesting statement that they will remember you by.

A word of warning: when speaking with someone you don't know, make sure your opinions are not insulting and uncontroversial. If your intent is to continue a conversation with someone and make a contact for the future, you don't want to turn them off by something you've said. It's not necessary, and probably not desirable, to tell someone everything about yourself the first time you meet.

Reminisce

If the discussion reminds you of something that happened to you, or something you heard on the news that day, or something that somebody else told you, don't be afraid to mention it. This is what all good conversationalists and storytellers do. This is another opportunity to relieve the pressure on the other person for awhile, and an opening for further digression to other topics.

Listen

Listening is essential to carrying on good conversations. You cannot successfully lead or expand upon what the other person is saying unless you've actually heard what they've said. And nothing turns someone off faster than your monopolizing a conversation.

Truly listening to people will demonstrate your sincere interest. People are flattered by others who listen to what they have to say. By expanding and leading on what they have said, you give them immediate confirmation that you were indeed listening.

Don't spend the time that you are not speaking planning what you will say next. Not only is it impolite, but it causes you to miss what they are saying now. Remember - listening is a way to show your respect for others.

Show Enthusiasm

Most importantly, show a little enthusiasm! Pretend the person you are speaking with is your best friend. How do you speak to that person? What is your tone of voice? Try to mimic that feeling of friendliness, expressiveness, and genuine delight that you would use with your best buddy. You'd be surprised what that shift of tone will accomplish in completely transforming an encounter. It immediately dispels the awkwardness and hesitancy of speaking with someone for the first time.

When I first met my friend, Lydia, in college, she immediately flew into a talking streak of 100 words a second! It was absolutely breathtaking! She was thanking me for attending a club meeting, asked if I liked to dance, invited me to go out with her and her sister, and invited me over to her house all in the same breath. I was overwhelmed, but also absolutely charmed by her friendliness, her enthusiasm, her love of life, and her openness to establishing a friendship. She is still just as excitable, just as fun to be with, and we've been friends ever since!

When you're networking, you are trying to accomplish a number of objectives, including:

• Make a Contact
• Leave a Positive Impression
• Establish a Friendship and/or Credibility

Enthusiasm when you meet someone, as if you really are glad to meet them, will accomplish all of the above!

End Conversations Gracefully

Breaking away from a conversation is often just as difficult as starting one. Just as you planned ahead with a list of mundane ice-breakers to begin any conversation, do make a mental list ahead of time of conversation-enders.

"I'm so glad I had a chance to meet you. I hope you have a pleasant trip back to…" could be a standard closer. Some others might be, "The food is so good, I think I'll go back for seconds." "I've got to say hello/good-bye to the host", "Good luck with your project; if there's anything else I can do for you, just give me a call." All of these statements are closers - they clearly signal that this conversation is over.

The key to leaving a great last impression is to make your excuses in a polite, friendly, and unapologetic way then leave.

TIP: Toastmasters International is an excellent resource for improving your speaking skills, losing your fear of speaking in public, and learning how to lead and conduct successful meetings. Plus, you'll meet a lot of success-minded people like yourself - your start to making valuable connections. Join a chapter in your area today.

For more networking resources, check out:

How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, the classic networking book

Happy About Online Networking: The virtual-ly simple way to build professional relationships by Liz Ryan, a solid guide for navigating the online world.

The Networking Survival Guide: Get the Success You Want By Tapping Into the People You Know by Diane Darling, a straightforward and easy step by step guide to networking

The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference by Malcolm Gladwell, understanding the roles of what Gladwell terms connectors and mavens provides insights for the networker.