by Ana L. Palles

This month's issue of the BBC's Science and Nature Newsletter has some fascinating articles on the Science of Love. They describe the three stages of love as Lust, Attraction and Attachment. It comes as no surprise that scientists have been measuring everything from our hormones to our brain patterns to make sense out of our love struck ways.

We already know that our bodies respond to the release of chemicals initiated by the brain. Case in point is the chain reaction that occurs in our bodies when we daydream about our love. Our heart rate speeds up, our skin blushes, and our body prepares for the possibility of intimacy. Our lover doesn't even have to be near us for our brains to start filling in the blanks. We remember our partner's scent, their breath, and the touch of their skin. Key neurotransmitters such as Serotonin, Dopamine and Adrenaline, course through our systems. Our entire focus may become absorbed in thoughts of our partner.

With such a powerful cocktail in our veins, is it any wonder that many of us become obsessed with our loves?

There is certainly no denying the science and predictability behind the studies on love. Yet, although much has been explained, there is still an element of mystery into that specific spark that connects us to our chosen partner. Love may be fickle and sometimes the most unlikely pairings result in the deepest and most satisfying relationships.

Do I believe in love at first sight? Absolutely. I believe that every so often, we are fortunate enough to encounter someone that seems like a familiar soul. Someone that we know deep in their core, without really knowing why it is that we have such a connection. It is hard to explain that sense of homecoming and recognition that we feel in this person's presence. But we know that it is familiar, comfortable, and right.

Don't despair if you have lost a deep and transformational love. We don’t have only one chance at it. Just like a student that progresses to the next level of instruction, love relationships can also progress; when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. This also translates to our love relationships. We grow as individuals, as lovers, and as souls.

I have always felt a deep core truth in the passage that the "two shall become one". Many discussions are held around this, particularly around the importance of maintaining one's individuality. My own observation is that there is no conflict here. Why do we worry so much about setting limits for ourselves? We can merge with one another and still retain our individual identities. To think otherwise is to live in fear, and this fear won't be limited to your relationships but will show up in all aspects of life.

Letting go of the fear that we might lose ourselves in love is a key step in truly experiencing what love is about. We gain by trusting in ourselves. Opening our hearts lets us both give and receive, taking us to the next level as human beings. We are able to see more in life than we had before.

Without a doubt, the science behind the chemistry of love is clear and measurable. But it's that alchemical element that opens the door to the kind of love that poets and authors write about and which is difficult to dissect and analyze. It is that transcendental love, that when joining with our particular other, lets us discover our own depths and strengths anew. It is by looking in the eyes of our beloved that we rediscover how to love oneself.

Happy Valentines day, with Love!