Longing

by Christine Gray

Heart My friend’s words wring my heart
Her writing like a fiery elixir
Stirring that ancient pain
The one that makes me wonder
Where did the man I love go
Where has he hidden himself
When did he become so deaf
Or when did I stop seeing him
When did the pain become the lens
Focusing the sun into laser heat
Burning through all that we were

I see the pain in his own heart
But somewhere along the road
He stopped seeing me
I stopped reaching out
We became as dead to each other
And though some miracle came to me
Some miracle shook my heart
I tried, at last, to offer a white flag
I tried, at last, to truly bare my soul
It was too little, too late, I guess
He could only see me as enemy
Perhaps he never saw me otherwise
He never believed I’d leave

Did we cheat ourselves of all those years
That might have burned with us
With the essence of us as one
Or did we never really see what was
Did we always pass in the night
Never seeing the true light of the other
I can’t answer that now
Because I’ve had to move on
The miracle moved not only my heart
But me, on to that Springtime my friend
Wrote so beautifully about
New tiny shoots under the dead leaves

And in his anger and hurt
In the eyes of the man I loved
I am the enemy, always and forever
I am the enemy, always and forever.

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